Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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