I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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