I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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