if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
