there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
