Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize