i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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