Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
