Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We don't watch enough power rangers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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