So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
