the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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