Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
