i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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