Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
