So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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