THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
