Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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