Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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