i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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