Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
