took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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