And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
