her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
