i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
