at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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