Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
