How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
