never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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