I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
