Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
