I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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