spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
pray to the hookup gods
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