You smell like a Billy Joel song
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
