my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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