Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
