Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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