it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
soo... how was my night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
