She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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