JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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