chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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