Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
