I wannas sexs uuuuu
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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