Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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