tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
