New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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