Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
