I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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