your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
