It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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