he thought i was a dude.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
