New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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