Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
