I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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