I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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