She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
