You don't have asthma, your pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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