hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
