my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
