And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
