I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
