Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
