Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
