I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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