Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
