when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
