if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
