He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
