I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
