I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Duck Duck Cougar?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize