It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize