I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
