I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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