drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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