I CAN MOONWALK!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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