I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
