my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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