I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
