ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
